I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize