ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
