He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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