What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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