Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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