Duck Duck Cougar?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
