all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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