nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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