well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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