I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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