Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
