I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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