You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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