ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
