Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
