No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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