Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
