my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
