u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
