She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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