Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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