Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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