Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is Oprah even human
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
