I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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