take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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