I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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