Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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