Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
