uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize