just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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