Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
