I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So much rum. So many feels.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
