Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
