wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
