Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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