Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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