If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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