so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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