I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
