life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
