guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
