I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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