I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
