Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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