How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
