We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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