Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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