he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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