hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
