I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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