I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
