that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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