3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
