Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
