He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
