Jerry, you need to find god
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
