And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're a waste of cheezeits
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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