On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize