i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
