"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
