at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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