Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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