I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he shaved USA in his pubs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just forgot I was standing up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
