i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
