he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
