I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
