She is in my trunk
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
